The Things We Can't Control
by wraithkeeper
Summary: Ianto would do anything for Lisa, but the one thing he can't do is stop himself from falling in love with Jack.


A/N: Takes place before Cyberwoman but contains spoilers for Fragments. Please review; it's like candy to the plot bunnies.

* * *

Ianto pocketed the rift activity scanner and slipped into the hall, closing the door quietly so he wouldn't disturb Lisa. On his way out he passed the landlord and handed him the rent money along with a few extra bills to ensure that the man wouldn't look inside the flat. Ianto knew the landlord thought he was making drugs in the flat, but Ianto was content to let him think that. If the man found out about Lisa, he'd wish Ianto had been merely a drug dealer. Although the man would probably drop dead of a heart attack if he saw Lisa.

She even scared Ianto sometimes, when she first woke up and pierced him with that inhuman stare. But she would always come around and it was worth the moment of uncertainty and doubt to see her brilliant smile again. But it was getting increasingly harder to wake her, and Ianto knew he had to get into Torchwood soon or it would be too late.

As he stepped out onto the street, Ianto took out the scanner again and read the coordinates. He hoped it was something good this time. The last few alerts had only been Weevils, and he knew they weren't enough to attract Captain Harkness's attention.

When Ianto arrived at the old warehouse and looked inside, he knew he had found his ticket to Torchwood. The inhuman screams that echoes throughout the empty building sent a shiver down his spine. The creature flew faster than Ianto expected and was soon landing in front of him.

Shit. He was less than ten meters away from a living dinosaur. The pterodactyl cocked its head with a curious chirping sound and jumped a little closer to its potential prey. Ianto took a step back but that only drew its attention more. He frantically searched his pockets for something that could be used as a weapon or a distraction. The only things he had were his keys, the rift activity scanner, and a half-eaten candy bar. He pulled out the candy and tore off the wrapper.

"Hey there, um... buddy," Ianto swallowed nervously, "You hungry?"

He held up the chocolate for it to see before tossing it gently towards the dinosaur. The animal looked down as the object landed at its feet. It pecked at it curiously before gripping it its strong beak.

The dinosaur leapt into the air and flew off with its prize, leaving Ianto standing alone holding an empty candy wrapper. He snapped out of the trance he'd fallen into and rushed outside before the dinosaur could finish its food and return for more.

An hour later, Ianto had tracked down Captain Harkness and convinced him to come to the warehouse. Not that it had been hard; the moment the word "pterodactyl" left Ianto's lips he could see the other man's eyes light up.

That was where the plan had stopped going smoothly, however. It seemed that the pterodactyl wasn't as fond of chocolate as Ianto had first assumed. Apparently the prospect of fresh meat was much more appealing to it.

Ianto did what he could though, even going so far as to catch the Captain when he lost his grip on the dinosaur's leg. They crashed to the ground, the impact momentarily taking their breath away before they had to roll to the side to avoid the now unconscious pterodactyl. Soon they were overcome by laughter at the absurdity of the situation. After all, it wasn't every day you found a living dinosaur.

The Captain's chest vibrated against Ianto's as he laughed. Ianto couldn't fight the grin that swept over his face as he listened to the other man's chuckle. He sagged against Jack's body in relief, melting into his warmth.

Jack stopped laughing then, his eyes staring deep into Ianto's. Their faces were so close he could feel the hot breath against his lips and see every dark eyelash that framed Jack's expressive eyes. The humor in Jack's eyes faded away into something else, something dangerous… a yearning that made Ianto want to lower his head those few centimeters to make their lips meet. It would be so easy. He could blame it on exhaustion or a concussion from the fall or just getting caught in the moment. Instead he pulled his head back, pushing himself onto his hands and knees to take away the contact between their bodies.

"I should go." He said softly.

He crawled to his feet before he could change his mind, because it would be so easy to do so. It would be so easy to give Jack what he so obviously wanted. To use that as a means to gain entrance to Torchwood. _To betray Lisa_, his conscience informed him.

Instead he turned away, walking stiffly towards the door. He wasn't surprised to hear the voice call after him.

"Hey! Report for work first thing tomorrow."

Ianto stopped, breathing heavily as he realized what he had done. He'd just gotten into Torchwood.

"Like the suit by the way."

He had gotten into Torchwood alright, but at what cost?

He didn't trust himself to speak and instead resumed his journey to the door, his face grimacing from a pain that had nothing to do with falling on the unyielding cement. What would he tell Lisa?

Ianto didn't go straight home. Instead he spent hours driving down random streets until his exhaustion became so overwhelming he feared he would drive off the road. When he could no longer focus on the pavement before him he turned down his street.

He entered the flat quietly and didn't go into Lisa's room, collapsing onto his bed without undressing or showering. All his weeks of hard work had paid off. He finally slept through the night without listening for the beeping of the rift activity locator.

xxxxx

Ianto never told Lisa about Jack. He was sure she would understand that he was doing it for her, but he still couldn't bring himself to tell her how many nights he had been called into Jack's office after everyone else had left. How many nights they had spent alone in his office or in the small room beneath it, lost in passion even as Ianto knew that in the labyrinths beneath them was a hidden room where Lisa slept. His Lisa. The woman he loved.

But it was all for her. He told himself that every time he followed Jack into bed, where he would pretend that it was what he wanted. Except that every time it got a little easier to pretend.

xxxxx

Jack had been watching Ianto all day. He could feel the other man's eyes boring into the back of his neck as he walked around the hub handing out coffees. It was a sure sign that Jack wanted Ianto to stay after the rest of the team went home. Finally it was only Toshiko left, studying the latest readings of rift activity on her computer.

Ianto could see that she was nearly finished, so he went up the tourist office to close down the little shop. Toshiko walked in a few minutes later and smiled at him on her way out the front door.

"Night, Ianto."

"Goodnight, Tosh."

The door shut softly behind her with a hushed jingle of the bells attached to the doorframe. Ianto turned to his computer and brought up the footage from the security cameras in the lift. He watched the screen for Jack, knowing the other man would be coming up any minute. His stomach fluttered nervously as he stared at the computer screen and Ianto froze.

He was nervous. More than that, he was anxious for Jack to come up. He was actually eager for the man's arrival. Ianto sucked in a deep breath, the sound of the gasp too loud in the empty room. He actually wanted this. It was one thing to enjoy himself in Jack's bed. After all, he told himself, with the things Jack did to him he couldn't be blamed for his body's betrayal. But this was different. He was eager for the other man, yearning for his touch. This was no longer just an act to get what he wanted, it had become real. He was cheating on Lisa.

Suddenly the air in the small room was too hot. It was suffocating him, and he had to fight down the panic as he gasped for breath. He stumbled around the counter and out into the brisk night air. He sucked in a lungful of the cold, salty air but it wasn't enough. He had to get away. He started to walk down the dock and before he knew it he was running.

When he arrived at his car he frantically searched his pockets for his keys. He closed his eyes in relief as his fingers curled around the cool metal object. He pulled out the keys and unlocked the door, casting a quick glance over his shoulder before climbing into the car, making sure that Jack hadn't followed him out. He couldn't look at Jack right now. He couldn't risk giving away something that would put Lisa in danger. If Jack found out...

Ianto shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts and started his car. He wasn't sure where he planned on going until he pulled up outside a bar, but he didn't resist the urge to go inside. After a few drinks Ianto had finally managed to push aside the panic that had gripped him in the tourist shop. It took a few more drinks before he lost the feeling of a lead weight in his stomach. And after a few more he had forgotten that it had been years since he'd gotten drunk like this.

He ordered another drink despite the knowledge that he was going to have a horrendous hangover the next day. He almost welcomed it as an excuse to call in sick and not have to go back to the hub in the morning. He knew that he'd have to explain to Jack why he had left the hub, and he dreaded the talk. The possibility of a day spent at his flat sleeping it off was tempting, but Ianto had other responsibilities at the hub besides coffee and cleaning. He had to be there for Lisa, even if it was only a quick slip into the basement to check on her and assure her that everything was fine.

She would be worried if he didn't show up, he told himself, but would she? Would she even notice that a day had passed without his presence, or would she just sleep, encased in her metal cocoon and unaware of his absence? No, he thought, she would miss him. She loved him. Of course she would notice if he didn't show up.

Draining his last drink, Ianto fished the money out of his wallet and slid it across the counter to the barkeeper.

He stood to leave but the barkeeper settled a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Let me call you a cab, mate."

Ianto started to protest but let the words die on his lips. He nodded weakly and sank back onto the stool, dropping his head into his hands.

xxxxx

Ianto was late to work the next day, but he didn't think anyone noticed. Why would they? When he entered the hub the team was shouting loudly to each other and throwing around a basketball. He watched as Owen clearly cheated and they announced the end of the game.

They were laughing and bickering as they left, walking past Ianto without a glance. Jack seemed to be the only one that paid him any attention, and even then it was just to toss the ball carelessly his way.

The heavy weight in his stomach was from the hangover, he told himself. It had nothing to do with Jack's indifference toward him. He closed his eyes briefly and listened to Jack laughing as he entered the lift with the others.

It took Ianto a minute to push aside those thoughts and see that this was his chance. This was the moment he had waited so many months for. The team was gone, and they weren't on a mission that would require them to be checking in by radio.

He wasted no time in calling the hotel where Dr. Tanizaki was staying. The doctor said that he could be there within ten minutes and Ianto let a sliver of hope slip past the dread that had filled his heart since last night.

Dr. Tanizaki was coming to see Lisa. He could fix her; make her human again. Then they could be together, leaving Torchwood behind as they resumed their lives. Ianto allowed himself a small smile. A true smile, not the empty one he offered the other Torchwood members when he thought they were beginning to suspect him.

Dr. Tanizaki was coming. Everything would be alright now.


End file.
